In the last five months, I have learned many many things. I wish I would have written them down on a daily, weekly, or even monthly basis, because at this point, there are more things that I have learned than I could ever put down on paper...err...word processor? However, regardless of the time that has passed, I am going to do my very best to sum up the most important things I have learned as a kindergarten teacher in one of Chicago's toughest neighborhoods--North Lawndale.
1. You make the weather in your classroom.
If you get flustered, forget to narrate, and just start raising your voice and focusing on the negative things happening, you are making the weather stormy in your class. If you focus on the positive, narrate the good you see, and stay calm--then the weather in your classroom will be calm and students will follow your lead.
What no one really tells you is how hard it is to remember that in the heat of the moment. Let me give you a specific scenario. I have a precious baby boy in my room who started out the school year as one of my most well-behaved and intelligent students. He was always very enthusiastic about coming to school and I was ready to make him the student of the month in October. Unfortunately a few weeks into school, he began exhibiting very violent and aggressive behavior when he receives any sort of consequence. I have been doing everything in my power to help this baby get back on track and back to following our classroom expectations. When he gets upset, he becomes extremely violent and unresponsive to me.
I always do my best to remain calm and stay patient with him and all of my students because I have seen what happens when I do not. Case in point--last week, I had my REACH observation (teacher accountability, formal observation done by my principal.) The hour-long observation itself went fairly well, without any big snafus, but an observation like that really wears on your nerves (and your students' as well), so I'm sure that that played a large part in what happened next. I was teaching a lesson on the carpet to my students, and my precious boy was having a fit about not wanting to do what we were doing. His exact words were "Oh, my GOD! This is bogus!!" (Complete with eyes rolling and all the attitude he could muster.) I moved his clip and told him, "It is ok to feel that way, but it is not ok to interrupt while I am teaching." I then told him (CALMLY) to go sit back at his seat and take a break. He went back to his table, but instead of sitting, he started throwing pencils out of the bins and all over the room...Every. Single. Pencil. Again, I stayed calm and I told the students to ignore him. I moved his clip to red, I moved the students back to their tables, and I passed out their work. Sometimes ignoring bad behavior is extremely effective--this day, it was not. This child walked over to another one of my students, and started kicking him, and then as I was going to buzz the office for him to be removed, he walked over and kicked ANOTHER one of my other students. As I am waiting for a security guard to come and take him out, he just starts destroying my room--taking curtains down, throwing my pencil sharpener (in turn, scattering the shavings all over the floor), throwing our huge 40 gallon garbage can and then kicking it across the room. YEAH...and I am supposed to stay calm when this is all happening?... MORAL of the story is: I did stay calm, and even though it didn't help with that particular child, it helped my 20 other kids because we were able to get back to learning once he was removed.
2. THEY ARE ONLY FIVE YEARS OLD.
When I tell people I teach kindergarten, they tend to have one of two reactions. 1) They say something to the effect of: Wow, God bless you, I know I am not that patient! or 2) Oh, they are SO cute and fun at that age!
To the people who share the second sentiment I say, come spend a hour or two teaching alone in my classroom and see what you would say then! Yes, they are cute and fun a lot of the time, but they are also little brats (I'm censoring myself) a lot of the time, as well. Now, to the people who shared the first sentiment, you're probably saying, Oh wow, maybe you aren't such a saint after all. I would say to you, no, obviously I am not. I am human, and I FEEL things. I feel so upset when I see my kiddos "misbehaving," but what I have learned and I try to remember every time I feel like I could pull my hair out, is this: they are only five years old. Not only that, these are not five year olds like the ones who come from Suburbia or rural Indiana. These are five year olds who do not get consistent meals at home. These are five year olds who have suffered from emotional and physical trauma their whole lives. These are five year olds whose only stable environment is in the four walls of my classroom. These are five year olds living in the halfway house across the street from our school. These are five year olds who want the same love and attention that one would expect to receive from their own parents. These are five year olds who are many times living with a grandparent because mom, dad, or both parents is in jail, and these are five year olds who go home after school to be taken care of by older siblings while their caregivers work late or odd hours. They are ONLY five years old.
3. Teachers teach more than core subjects.
I write 25 lessons a week. 5 lessons per day. 5 days per school week. I TEACH 25 lessons a week. But that's just on paper. Teachers teach so much more than the standards set by our government in the Common Core State Standards. We teach social and emotional skills every day. We find teachable moments in everything. We see a fight erupt over someone bumping into someone else when they just weren't watching where they were walking, and we realize. OH. You don't know that if someone bumps into you, it might not be on purpose--it could just be an accident...and you don't know that you are supposed to apologize if you accidentally bump into someone. Everything can be taught. Not only that, but I have to remember to not be shocked and even disgusted some times at what students do. When students are "misbehaving" it's not because they are "bad" kids, it's because that behavior is serving a function of some sort for them. Sometimes, it's a skill deficit and the student REALLY doesn't know how else to react in a given situation. So, in addition to teaching the core subjects every day, it's also my responsibility to teach students social and emotional skills so that I can fill those deficits that I see in my students.
4. You have to take care of yourself.
Thank God for my husband. Seriously. I am SO thankful for him. I have had way too many days this year, where when I get home, I have literally nothing left to give. It's like I hold it together until Letteer gets home, and then I can't keep it together anymore. I have had days where he no more than walks in the door and I am already bawling. Sometimes I just need to talk about my day--I talk, he listens, and sometimes I just need to cry, hug him, and say nothing. I am saying all of this to say--I have learned that you have to take care of yourself, as a teacher. It can't get to the point where all you talk about, think about, and work on is school stuff. I definitely let myself get to that point before Christmas Break. I know the toll that that can take on your home life. Letteer is the best husband, but I know that he can only take so much, too. My negative outlook on my job was wearing him down, almost as much as it was wearing me down. I am still seeking outlets for myself, so that it doesn't get to that point again. One way I am doing this is by not unloading on Letteer. If I need to talk, I do that at school with my co-workers and my coach, or occasionally I vent to my mom. Another goal I have for myself is to keep blogging like this when I have the time!
4. Teaching IS rewarding.
I know I painted a pretty bleak picture, but even on my worst days, I am always able to think of one funny, cute, or happy moment during my day. When I am away from school on the weekend, I always find myself thinking about something that I want to do with my kiddos during the next week, or I even find myself missing some of them after a long break. I am the happiest about school when I am grading papers. I love seeing how much progress my students are making. There is so much growth that happens in kindergarten, and it really does make me smile when I think that everything I am teaching them is building a foundation for their future years in school.
I'll leave you with a small success story.
Two months into the school year, I received a student from the other kindergarten classroom. This student is an identical twin boy. He and his brother were both registered in the same kindergarten classroom. I don't know whose brilliant idea that was, but it spelled disaster from the start. Finally, my principal decided that the twins should be split up. Things were going WONDERFULLY in my room, and I definitely had classroom management under control, so when they asked me which twin I would prefer to take, I decided to take the twin who was having behavior problems in my grade level partners classroom. My hope was that this would decrease the burden she was feeling, because she already has a couple students who are difficult. My principal jokingly said, "OK, Mrs. Lewis, but remember a month from now that this was your idea...Oh and Ms. Bieber, make sure you buy her coffee every now and then to pay her back!" I laughed it off, and my hope was that somehow this change would be really good for the student and that he would fit right into my well-functioning classroom and everything would be "hunky-dory." HAH! For about a week, everything was going great--he had picked up on my routines and procedures, and he seemed to be adjusting really well. Beyond that first week, things started to go downhill. His old behaviors started showing up, including provoking and initiating fights in my room, walking out of the classroom without permission, climbing up on top of the cubbies, instead of going to timeout, flipping off students, using the F*** and N***** word (directed towards other students and my principal) and the list goes on... He has been suspended twice in my classroom. I had a meeting with his mother, the principal, and our dean of students to problem solve around what we could do for this child, and he started meeting with our school counselor. BUT--there is a silver lining. After being back from Christmas break, I have not had to send this student to refocus more than once. He has been so kind towards the other students in my classroom. I have found many opportunities for him to be a leader in my room, such as holding the hand sanitizer and giving it out at the bathroom trips, putting the attendance out for me, and throwing extra breakfast bags away for me. This last week was Cavalier Kindness Week, and guess who the winner was from my classroom? You guessed it. I have never seen a child smile so big in my life. He was so excited to show his mom his medal and certificate of achievement when she picked him up, and after he ran to show her, he ran back to me, gave me a huge hug and said, "Thank you, Mrs. Lewis." I sent his mom the picture of him with his award and she wrote back, "Thank you for everything, Mrs. Lewis." How lucky am I to get to be a part of that?
